Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay deserves a three. The perspective is unique - Most people think that robots will match human intelligence eventually. There is basic research to support some ideas.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
The research needs to improve. Too many ideas are based on opinion. For example, the criticisms of Kurzweil are not founded on evidence, just the author's opinions.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Although computers are constantly evolving, they will never be as powerful as the human brain.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes and yes.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
The human brain will always be more powerful than computers.
Any other thoughts?
This is interesting. It will be difficult to do any conclusive persuasion because the essay has to be based on conjecture since it is a hypothesis about the future.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
I don't see the narration. There is a brief mention of the history of the fear of computers and robots out thinking people, but it is more of a lead in to a confirmation paragraph then a narration. A good narration should examine both sides of the issue and what popular opinion on both sides say.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The thesis claims computers are evolving, but human brains are not evolving. It seems like that is a powerful counterargument to the author's thesis - not a strong starting point.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but it is missing conjecture about the future. Just because current technology doesn't beat brain power, there is no reason to believe it won't eventually be able to.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
No. The confirmation only addresses modern day competitors to the brain, not potential future threats. Since the thesis is about the future, I think this is a significant oversight.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is reasonable - Comparing the brain to a computer is difficult or impossible. However, trying to compare them in terms of their ability doesn't directly connect to the thesis. The essay started with a premise about computational power, not practical outcomes.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes. I think the final point that, if the reader disagrees with the author, we will cheat ourselves of future technological developments, and what we should really do is focus on using technology responsibly.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
The narration is nonexistent or inadequate. Develop it - Tell us about those who agree with you and disagree with you. What are the stakes? If robots rival human brain power, so what? If they don't, so what? Why should we care?
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I disagreed with the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still disagree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
Spend more time considering the future of technology, not where it stands today. You're saying that because today you can't do algebra, you'll never be able to do algebra. Its illogical.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes, although none of them are from academic research.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, the sources are obvious.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Usually. The quotes from the robotics expert aren't really relevant because he's only talking about robot power, not computer power.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
The criticisms of Kurzweil definitely need more evidence. They are entirely opinion based. Perhaps more research into his career - Short comings or missing credentials - would help the argument.
2014년 11월 24일 월요일
2014년 11월 16일 일요일
Second Draft
Many people are in the circumstance of internet and influenced by the cyberspace. Students research the data on the internet for their homework. A girl does internet shopping to buy her new clothes. Middle-aged couple book a ticket of play for their wedding anniversary. Internet takes a great part of life nowadays without distinction of sex or age. Hence, cyberculture has been an issue today, especially internet anonymity - using another name or hiding real name on internet. Anonymity is the strongest and most important value of freedom in our society. Therefore, Internet anonymity has more benefits than side-effects, and it is needed in Korea.
Information communications network law of Korea was amended in the January, 2007. In the late 1990, internet was spread through the whole country. As the users of the internet increase, the adverse effects of internet increase. - verbal violation, defamation and distribution of illegal information. The government considered that internet anonymity is the biggest factor of these situation. For that reason, The Department Of Justice added the article of name verification in information communications network law. However, In 2010, the constitutional court of Korea gave a verdict that internet anonymity is conflicted with the constitution of Korea. They argued that they recognized the legitimacy of purpose of the legislation and suitability of way, but the law limited the freedom of expression. In the constitution of Korea, there is article that the government should guarantee freedom of expression. They said that there is no specific public interest effect to justify the limitation of freedom of expression, which is the value of the constitution.
There are reasons why internet anonymity is needed in Korea in two aspects. One of the reasons is constitutional reason. As mentioned in the narration, internet anonymity is against the constitution. According to Article 1 of 21 of the Constitution, the citizen has a duty to be guaranteed freedom of expression. Freedom of expression is basic essential human rights. It has to be guaranteed because it is the basic requirements of existence and development of the country. People express their opinion anonymously or in pseudonym to express their idea without restriction. It makes criticism of the power of country or majority opinion of society can be possible. Anonymity on internet is combined with speed and reciprocality of internet and overcome the hierarchical structure of the economy. Thus, it can develop the democracy of Korea. Internet anonymity is important thing because of that reason.
Universality is one of the reason. Most governments of the country do not regulate about internet anonymity. However, Korea is a nearly only country that make a law restrict the internet anonymity - except autocracy countries such as North Korea and Iran. The most characteristic feature of the internet society is openness. In other words, everyone can reach the cyberspace regardless of border. Our regulation of internet anonymity is far away from the regulation of internet anonymity in foreign country. It is only the cause that accomplish the public interest.
It is true that internet anonymity has some side-effects. There are some people who argue that internet anonymity can increase using of abuse. According to study of Woo Ji Suk, Na Hyun Soo and Choi Jung Min, there are no specific results that internet anonymity is effective. After using internet anonymity policy, there is little decreasement of using abuse and slander. It is hard to argue that internet anonymity plays an important role. Without the certain effects of internet anonymity, it is difficult to ignore the freedom of expression and claim internet anonymity. The most important thing is that those side-effects are not remarkable than benefits in Korea. In Korea, internet has been developed since the latter 1990s. It is developed at a surprisingly fast pace, and level of Korea internet is ranked in the top. In this situation, it is difficult to say that the main reason of cyber abuse and cybercrime is internet anonymity. The benefits of internet anonymity are more remarkable than its side-effects.
Internet is opened place and everyone regardless of ages, and sex can reach cyberspace. Openness is the most remarkable feature of internet, and internet anonymity is the most important rule that should be guaranteed in cyberspace. Internet anonymity is helpful to make people express their opinions. Expression of one's opinion is the basic essence today, and it can be assured with internet anonymity. For those reasons, internet anonymity is obviously needed in Korea to make assure that people can express their opinion without restriction.
Anonymity is not something that was invented with the internet. Anonymity is developed through the history. It has been used in many purposes. A well-known person did not use a real name to write messages, where a person does not want people's preconception of the real author color their perception of the message. Also, other people want to hide certain information about themselves in order to achieve a more unbiased evaluation of their messages. For example, in history it has been common that women used male pseudonyms, and for Jews to use pseudonyms in societies where their religion was persecuted. Women authors were discriminated just because of their genders. If the books were written by the real name of women authors, peolple did not read the books and ignored their writings. Anonymity is often used to protect the privacy of people, for example, when reporting results of a scientific study, when describing individual cases. Many countries even have laws that protect anonymity in certain circumstances. Internet anonymity has been developed since internet was developed. Especially, it was developed with development of World Wide Web (WWW). Internet was first started in 1969. Its first name was Arpanet. After Arpanet was converted to open network system, it became the current form. In 1990s, appearance of World Wide Web (WWW) make internet grow rapidly.
Information communications network law of Korea was amended in the January, 2007. In the late 1990, internet was spread through the whole country. As the users of the internet increase, the adverse effects of internet increase. - verbal violation, defamation and distribution of illegal information. The government considered that internet anonymity is the biggest factor of these situation. For that reason, The Department Of Justice added the article of name verification in information communications network law. However, In 2010, the constitutional court of Korea gave a verdict that internet anonymity is conflicted with the constitution of Korea. They argued that they recognized the legitimacy of purpose of the legislation and suitability of way, but the law limited the freedom of expression. In the constitution of Korea, there is article that the government should guarantee freedom of expression. They said that there is no specific public interest effect to justify the limitation of freedom of expression, which is the value of the constitution.
There are reasons why internet anonymity is needed in Korea in two aspects. One of the reasons is constitutional reason. As mentioned in the narration, internet anonymity is against the constitution. According to Article 1 of 21 of the Constitution, the citizen has a duty to be guaranteed freedom of expression. Freedom of expression is basic essential human rights. It has to be guaranteed because it is the basic requirements of existence and development of the country. People express their opinion anonymously or in pseudonym to express their idea without restriction. It makes criticism of the power of country or majority opinion of society can be possible. Anonymity on internet is combined with speed and reciprocality of internet and overcome the hierarchical structure of the economy. Thus, it can develop the democracy of Korea. Internet anonymity is important thing because of that reason.
Universality is one of the reason. Most governments of the country do not regulate about internet anonymity. However, Korea is a nearly only country that make a law restrict the internet anonymity - except autocracy countries such as North Korea and Iran. The most characteristic feature of the internet society is openness. In other words, everyone can reach the cyberspace regardless of border. Our regulation of internet anonymity is far away from the regulation of internet anonymity in foreign country. It is only the cause that accomplish the public interest.
It is true that internet anonymity has some side-effects. There are some people who argue that internet anonymity can increase using of abuse. According to study of Woo Ji Suk, Na Hyun Soo and Choi Jung Min, there are no specific results that internet anonymity is effective. After using internet anonymity policy, there is little decreasement of using abuse and slander. It is hard to argue that internet anonymity plays an important role. Without the certain effects of internet anonymity, it is difficult to ignore the freedom of expression and claim internet anonymity. The most important thing is that those side-effects are not remarkable than benefits in Korea. In Korea, internet has been developed since the latter 1990s. It is developed at a surprisingly fast pace, and level of Korea internet is ranked in the top. In this situation, it is difficult to say that the main reason of cyber abuse and cybercrime is internet anonymity. The benefits of internet anonymity are more remarkable than its side-effects.
Internet is opened place and everyone regardless of ages, and sex can reach cyberspace. Openness is the most remarkable feature of internet, and internet anonymity is the most important rule that should be guaranteed in cyberspace. Internet anonymity is helpful to make people express their opinions. Expression of one's opinion is the basic essence today, and it can be assured with internet anonymity. For those reasons, internet anonymity is obviously needed in Korea to make assure that people can express their opinion without restriction.
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